Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dignity is for republicans.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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