Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize