I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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