Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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