i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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