We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
