I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize