why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize