my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
