I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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