I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
