Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize