ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
