Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
