no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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