it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i believe in u and ur pee
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize