My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
