It's Friday. Sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
