Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
