he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
