everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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