I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
