This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
