Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
