oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
