Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
