wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
