Can i not drive my cunt home
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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