You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
