Kiss
Puke
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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