drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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