We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
