Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
