i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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