This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
