I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
