he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
