I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
