Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
