so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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