So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
