i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize