And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
