i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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