I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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