oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
