I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
