My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
