You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
