shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
