I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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