They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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