Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize