this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
