Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
