I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
