did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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