Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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