Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
