dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
