are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
