Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it because I queefed?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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