And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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