what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
