i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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