If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
