I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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