Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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