drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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