The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
