The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
