Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
