I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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