it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
