WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
